My Testimony

For most of my marriage, I was angry, hurt, offended, bitter and disillusioned.  Every year that passed, I grew more and more miserable.  Eventually, because of my unforgiveness, I hated my husband; I hated my life and I hated myself.  I felt trapped with absolutely no way of escape.  I wanted to leave, but couldn’t because of the children.  I turned to prescription drugs.  When the pain was just too much, I would take valium to numb my senses.

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My married life was one big, tortured mess of hate, depression, rage and secrecy.   Of course, I looked fine on the outside and didn’t want to admit to my family or anyone that I was trapped in despair.  How would it help to admit that I’d made a huge mistake in getting married and now I was trapped in a loveless relationship where my husband and I were more like roommates than lovers?   Admitting it would make me feel worse, because there was nothing that anyone could do to help me.  I was sinking.  I was on a cliff’s edge and the hellish nightmare, that was my existence, was pushing me over the edge.

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One day in 2010, I was in my bedroom, on my knees, on my face, sobbing and crying out to God to rescue me. I knew there was nothing I could do to save myself.  My life was hellish.  If anything was to be salvaged from the ruins of my life, He was the only One who could do it.  I needed a miracle.  I cried and begged Him to do something.  I was full of hate, full of revenge, full of worthlessness and I was giving up; there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t change. I was helpless.

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Suddenly, the very air in the room was thick with the holy presence of God.  Everything was very still and quiet and I was very much afraid.  The thought came to me, “God, you could stomp me right now and kill me if you wanted to.”

I held my breath, looking through blurry tears, fearfully up into the invisible air, waiting to see if He would do it.  Seconds passed, as I watched for a huge sandaled foot to come and crush me.  The silence was profound.

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He didn’t do it.  He didn’t kill me.  Instead, He picked me up and held me gently, tenderly in His big hands. He kissed me and He loved me.  Mercy.  True Love.  Powerful grace and tender new life.

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When I got up off of the floor, I was free.   The hate was gone; the unforgiveness was gone; the bitterness, rage and depression were completely gone!  I was FREE!!!!!!  The heaviness and the chains that had been my life were nowhere to be found.  More than that, I found that God had miraculously placed inside of me a brand new LOVE for my husband, like I’d never known was possible.  I now love him more than I’ve ever loved him before and it only grows.

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From that day on, God took my hand and began to walk me out of all the darkness that had enslaved me for so long.  He began to show me the lies that I’d been believing my whole life.  He showed me the Truth and He poured down grace for me to embrace His ways and His thoughts.  He gave me true JOY and His laughter, for the first time in my life.  Everyday gets better.  I never knew this life on earth could be a life of miracles, of Paradise Now, of unending relationship with Him.

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The ongoing revelation of who God is, who I am, in Him, and who YOU are, in Him, has changed my life, radically.  Things will never be the same.  I will never be the same. I’m not going back!

If you need a miracle, send me a message . . .  I’d love to pray for you. =)

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Bondage-Shattering Joy, Breakthrough & Transformation to you, in Jesus’ holy name!

xo~ Katie Elizabeth Regan ~ox

“I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall, when God grabbed and held me. God’s my strength, he’s also my song, and now he’s my salvation. Hear the shouts, hear the triumph songs in the camp of the saved? ‘The hand of God has turned the tide! The hand of God is raised in victory! The hand of God has turned the tide!’ I DIDN’T DIE. I LIVED! AND NOW I’M TELLING THE WORLD WHAT GOD DID.” << Psalm 118:13-17 The Message

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